Upgrading myself?

Wow will I really upgrade myself and do O level Mathematics this year? That's what story of doctor, I will read Yassin daily everyday in M.R.T on the way to work, my first salary I will do Mathematics of O level I wonder what else, will I be fine? Who is it the one that is guiding me? Right now I see like lines of lights moving around like a snake, I wonder why my visions are like this. Is it I'm supposed to die and supposed to see God? Haha, people don't give me things like didn't expect my death to happen. I wonder how long life is like this even now that I have journal already.

I wonder how much longer will I stay woodlands, it's 2-storey house and my parents becoming older, so maybe they will shift house 1 day into a 1-storey type, it's really weird to keep living here when they are getting old anyway, but when I remember it's like 2028 I will go U.S.A as Soldier Job and A-level, I really don't know if it will happen, what's the truth about my life? It's really energizing that I will take O level mathematics kind of energy in my life, means tomorrow onwards I will be strong to work, I really will do well? I hope so, it's only 4 hours and nothing to feel bad about I hope I will be fine, why nobody is supporting my life even when I'm reaching 38 years old soon? I really have to endure taking Medicine everyday like a boring life and nobody cares if it's bores me? Nevermind I just hope the end is happening soon, I will definitely remember everything like a memory dash into me, I really hope so that it's something like that, I don't want to suffer in life, but it's the same medicine that I have to rely on, why is it like that?

My previous post only have 7 viewers then the previous one only 15, it's really weird I am wondering about the attention I get is it illusion or real, is it humans or robots that capture words that I wrote? I'm so clueless about who actually cares about me because it's been so long I have schizophrenia and "surviving on my own", I hope I know, I wish I will be strong tomorrow onwards to keep doing this job, I hope I receive friendly support like visits to my workplace, I'm so lonely in life and have no friends, only my O.T will visit me at workplace and I have nobody to rely on for happiness.

Other than Math O level, will there be something else that I will be learning first? What about Social Studies and History? I hope I know what I will learn about, I really want to excel in my O level so that I can become a Psychologist, why my memories stopped already why I am not reminded about what else I will do? It's really weird I really hope it's the end this time, and I will stay this job for a long time hopefully. Wow, if it happens it's a final kind of pain in life, I really hope I become someone successful in life.