It's a weird excitement, just because I have journal, I imagine a life in 2027 that I will become someone good, then I really don't know if it will happen, I smoke only 1-3 cigarette that's rolled, 2 pieces of paper each roll, it became very little cigarette per day and I think I am stronger now somehow to quit smoking and have a better life soon, focused on journal writing as something that I can read back in future.
In 2027, my entire year will be spent with R due to her wish(that's what she said) to accompany me during my school days, even if we don't talk it's not that it's not normal anyway, but having someone will definitely make me happy, but it's year 2027 then it's not 2026 June onwards, I'm really bored like crazy I have no one in life and don't know why people believe I can cope this life. 21 years gone is felt like 1 year, then I really forgot many times that I am so old, nobody pitied me by a kind of special care, but the treatment doesn't change like it increases boredom in my life, I don't know why they don't ask me what I want to eat in life, like pleasure to chase in life because I missed and loss memories of so many things, it's just too bad for me the treatment is the same with me even from non-family members, they really just know doctor as the best decision and it's only take medicine, but my occurrences of memory loss happens at public places but still they don't worry such thing of happening to me but I still go out as usual, it's weird their confidence of this method of care that I won't mess up without them in sight, it's weird I feel like a crippled mind person but they don't give me extra care or pleasure, anhedonia kills my happiness but they don't give me fun food to be happy or overcome it somehow.
Journal writing became something new in life started 3 days ago, then I plan to write the timestamp on it also and highlight it a different colour, and not write every night only kind of thing but any time of the day/date. It's meant to be safe English/Malay language meant for as low age as I can because it's intended for future-children.
There's only 7 months+ left until year 2027 then I still haven't taken my license I don't know when is it that it will happen, it's really suspenseful and I estimate car license to take 6 months while motorcycle license takes 3 months, it's really harsh people don't talk/speak to me normally about life achievement but I just take medicine daily and live the life they want to give me.
I'm planning to buy jeans and walk around at City Hall many times but I don't know if it will happen, I really need someone to walk with me but they treat my time in life as something I can handle despite schizophrenia and think I can become an independent person.
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