Want to remember

I wonder when I will get my jobclub money I really want to remember when is it, I can't remember doctor's words it's quite boring growth of my life, it sucks if it's at the end of this month, I really want to feel had saved money instead of $1 in bank everytime, I'm so unlucky my family created me to become this level of man that "usually have nothing in bank", I became a useless person for real and they don't care or try to make me look nicer profile of life, I don't understand why the treatment is like this then doctors didn't consider it as stress-creation or mental torture, I really can't do anything about it they've continued like this until I'm turning 38 years old.

I remember it's going to be a lot of money that I will receive on working my first month, I wonder how much maybe $2K? Last year's money will be included too because they didn't give me jobclub and job's salary, I really don't know what to do, why Sakinah didn't sue doctor for me, also for involving to commit like "relationship as Haram" in Islam, like not allowing beers to be bought, means she herself didn't want me then? Means more than 10 years it's been a barrier around but she feel protected from me instead? Knowing that I love her was enough, they need not be around anymore.