Doctor, i thought I was told that 38 years old I will become somebody about Psychology matter but I'm still neglected only like daily food from home, I don't feel lucky in my life at all, the medicine is a common sense like what a family should give me like "if fever, take panadol", I'm not questioned about O level too, I wonder who will remind me about it, will my neighbour really remind me to take O level? Will i get to raise topic about a nicer care feelings? It's really bad I have nothing to be happy about. Maybe I should really spend on Fishing, but then when I think again, it's my like family don't really care anyway, if I Fish and get fishes it's like a weird feeling it becomes like that, like why should I be nice anyway, doing nothing in life I thought I should be doing something like fishing, then its like I became a weirdo instead, I realize I am a weaker man that just live from my brother and government's money, they don't give me the chance to go out with Sakinah at all, I can't get a job to feel richer and go out with her too. Everyday it is Sakinah that I think about I don't know how I will be cured from this madness, I wish I don't have feelings for her, but the wish didn't come true, I really can't do anything about this difficulty, it's really heavy for my heart and she decided my life to be like this, she's maybe seeing me like an extra tool in her life having medical support like doctors everytime close to her, then its only like just benefiting and taking advantage of my effort, but I think love is really like that, for the health and strength of the person we love, we sacrifice even doctor's attention to treat the person we love instead, schizophrenia is bad anyway, will feel like tearing own clothes etc., I wouldn't want Sakinah to become like that in public, if it happens, she's still the girl that I want to marry anyway, but then I don't know why my love is like nothing to her.
Ustaz Harun not reliable in matter of love, he's like the obvious common sense which is to tell to Solat etc. instead, they don't really care about who I love so they don't approach them making their mind to connect with me, they just wouldn't do it and let the decision be on Sakinah's choice, "relationship is Haram" is weird how people get married then just naked on the first day to create babies, relationship should be a lighter weight by MUIS to support a love story or someone lovesick, to help connect like having a "love network" point to get the girl we want in life, my love stories are not fun at all, I'm suffering from her lack of attention but she let me remain weak unable to work for money, she let me poor life even if I have tried my best.
It's not fun like thinking this way, nobody helps the way we want it but the way they want to see it happening instead, there's no smoothness in communication with the person we love and she get to contact other guys or male friends to imagine us losing her multiple times, yet MUIS don't mind our heart in lovesickness and maintain "relationship is Haram" as the priority, even if we're growing old into 40 years old in 2 years. It's really sad and pathetic try for love all these while and it didn't happen nicely, not even an hour spent with each other to have the connection, like doctor saying have babies videos of me and Sakinah but it was not used to attract her to love me instead, means I fall in love with Sakinah since baby days, then 6 years old I met her again at Kindergarten, then Primary 5 I saw her again after I thought losing her permanently, then B.M.C days I saw her again, then Woodlands M.R.T, then at M.R.T, then it's over, O.C.B.C saw her the last time I think to get her the job that she want by offering to be hacker for O.C.B.C, she actually got rejected anyway then I saved her life anyway, I feel sad she didn't treat me as someone special, like why trying to be valuable to me instead of accepting the love story of my wish? Why Ustaz didn't help to get the videos of me and her since babies to give to me so that I can turn her emotional about the baby days, she even knew Nur Iman since baby days I think, but then I'm special how I remember and she only met him again in Innova J.C, it's really bad our baby days memory we don't remember but then doctors didn't support me at all, she let Sakinah be kissed by Nur Iman and that's all, they weren't even married then did like that anyway, it's really sad how meaningless my love is, the impact is nothing like seeing a bird for the first time and it flew off, nobody tried to capture a bird in a cage for a baby to see for a long time, nobody cares at all.
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