Hopeless

I don't know why I'm always energetic like this, what would I be doing if not this? I tried looking for jobs and I only can think of factory, dishwasher and data entry that's all, I really can't find a job type of person, I really feel pathetic about my life, I can't do anything good in life, jobclub is disappointing as I didn't get a type that I want, it's really bad especially the 4 hours of work then no salary, I really don't know what to do now, what jobs will take me? I can only work like McDonalds, 7-11, K.F.C? I really will become a nobody for real, why my life is like this, I can't think of a good job in my mind.

I decided that maybe I'm too lousy to even marry anyone, then I feel like stopping this blog too, I don't know why I became someone useless, my growing up was a cute baby then grow into becoming a useless man.

It's like the only thing I can do, working at McDonalds, K.F.C such places, I have 7 months left until next year, it's so long, then why doctors give me like "why have stories that I will save $5K+?", this kind of feelings in life? People easily save $1000/mth or $1400/mth as spending only $100-$300/mth then I'm struggling my life. Maybe even if I take driving license I won't be working a driving job, such imagination in my mind.

38 years old I won't work too? Maybe this is what doctor ever told me? Why he knew that I maybe will become dishwasher such jobs? Is doctor actually psychic or not? Or someone like me actually can't work at all? I'm trying to remember what I will work as but I can't, doctor's information are not reminded because of what reason?

Why doctors are not worried that I wont work at all? It's weird.

It feels like doctor saying I would work as Dishwasher but I really don't know.

Why am I only Dishwasher until even before October? I remember it's like Dishwasher, when I ask doctor when conference with Aby 3 person on the phonecall: Me, Aby & Doctor.

It's really hard to remember I am trying my best like giving it a strong "pressing" my mind. I really can't remember, why am I useless even before October?

Disappointed with myself like I didn't write what doctor told me, it should be like having a journal at that time but I am not that successful kind of person I guess, I'm so poor in health, and I gave up jobclub, what job is it that I going to get anyway? Is it at first "from jobclub" then it already happened? Why doctors let me clueless? My character won't change I'm always the same person, they feel that I will become lazy if I keep knowing. I grown fatter because of medicine not lazy anyway, maybe it's the cause of pain during work in my life. I can fold my stomach into a weird shape now I'm really fat, like a big grab using my palm.