I hope I have a nicer life, it feels like doctor said that I will just focus on medicine this year instead of working, I really don't know what I am going to do, people let me poor except my brother and those that gave duit raya, it's really sad I feel so helpless, even at my age get duit raya, I don't know why I'm so useless when I grow up, I didn't became a better man like everyone else, when I was primary school, I was active and sporty then when I secondary school, I became lazy and schizophrenic, I kept playing games then I am not strong in education, it was really bad, I also always vision myself growing up to become a useless person, it's really sad that nobody support my wish, I wanted to learn computers but it was rejected by my parents, it's really bad, I didn't even get to do my interest in my life, they don't seem to mind that at this age I was a dishwasher, dish collector, then didn't get full money, and didn't get salary for 4 hours work, it's really bad I feel so helpless, nobody reported about Alysha to the police too, I felt pain during my schizophrenia for so long and Alysha living her life until now, it's not that I'm jealous, it's just the karma is taking too long, when is the retribution, she's supposed to be sick with schizophrenia and feeling hot but she's somehow managing well in school, my family are stupid how they didn't sue Alysha, but maybe they didn't know I'm serious about the pain she caused, only me the person knowing of the pain, only my family if have schizophrenia will then believe me about the pain caused by her, the pain can't be seen, it's not believable too, it's a lot of anger, rage even in living life daily, unstable mind, then the common thing that people don't believe, it really feels like hell on earth, it's really bad, then she didn't even pay up anything to my life, nobody reported to police, it's serious matter like pretending to have sex with my brother using name of my ex, then pretending that my ex is looking down on my certificate, I really can't do anything about it, then nobody sued her, it's really crazy, it's like requiring an insurance type of payment to me but nobody sued her, my family is stupid because didn't sue her, I really thinking how to sue her, it's really bad I can't live my life for so long and nobody sued her, they let me suffer and even if it feels like torture they don't seem to believe me and still just live their life normally visiting me at ward once a week, it's really like a lot of madness growing into my head and nobody revenge too, my family are not good at caring their kids I guess, I'm so unlucky but it's my family, their decision they feel as the best, they don't mind the pain that I feel daily.
I think tomorrow onwards I won't countdown anymore because I'm definitely taking my medicine daily, I really have no life for so long, doctors didn't care that I will be struggling to live my life, then continued letting me focus on medicine without worries that I don't get money in life. Doctors are also not good at taking care of people my age I guess, maybe their expertise are really only medicine and psychological sickness, they don't know how to care for me, I'm so sad about it, then my parents not good at giving money means they can't become a businessman, so they can't pay workers, it's really sad how bad my life is, I just living life in memory like I will be focusing on medicine until O level, then O level, A level, start thinking of leaving my family forever, that they grow older without me anymore, they don't care about me why should I care about them growing old then, my mother is 70 and my father is 73, even if in 10 years they are 80 and 83, they don't care that I don't get the person I love, they don't care if they don't see a grandchild from me, they don't care if I don't get married at all, such a useless level of care from my parents I'm so sad and disappointed.
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