Day 267 out of ward(315 on medications)

Today I woke up at 7.25 then took medicine after that Abit late, then slept again and after shower here I am, did not buy more cigarette yesterday I'm probably becoming a changed man, the energy of doing a revision for O level next year like happening as I remember about doctor talk to me in my house about my 37-38 years old, I really still can't remember what job I will be doing I'm still surviving my life like this.

Daily I try to remember but I can't, I don't know where I will get the money to start O level early but then August is the only time for it even if I plan it to be May or June last time, I really can't make it and maybe in the end it's going to be normal and start in January instead, I really plan to score well for O level then I just remembered maybe I will be taking driving license anyway, so I really don't know.

I have no memory of dreams of yesterday, it's kinda boring anyway, I try hard to remember about doctor but I can't, maybe I will just live on without any support and self-learn in August.

Yesterday someone connected to Sakinah viewed my tiktok profile I wonder if it's Sakinah's niece, a drawing picture as profile photo, like a small girl most probably, it's really cool I really was thinking if I die will Sakinah and the other girls regret at all for being apart from me? It's really weird the love story is just like this. N.S memory loss -> now 38 years old, no one effort to remind me anything and nobody remind or tell me that I am not Dajjal, I been living in fear most of the time thinking of Red Paint and Tattoo KaFaRa on my forehead by others, it's really harsh I'm not even a Jew then Alysha created me to think Dajjal is something else, "someone innocent forced into War with Islam", something like that. Crazy I thought I'm Dajjal for so many years yet no one comfort or help me anything.