Day 270 out of ward(318 on medications)

It's another day of taking my medicine, it's a tough life journey, I'm remembering about my N level days I smoke cigarette at that time, then my exam scores are not nice too, I wonder if cigarettes are the cause of low scores, it's really sad but I pass anyway.

I feel like I can't be a happy man, I still feel like I need to learn languages, yesterday I downloaded Berita Harian SG to read news as I read that someone that read it daily then score high in O level exam, I really only read 1 story yesterday. Today is meeting doctor for appointment then I feel like asking doctor about O level but I think it's okay as I fear of being warded for asking a different topic kind of question.

Right now I'm at sofa and haven't showered yet, I woke up ate medicine just now then go down to buy redbull to smoke while drinking it, just to feel nicer. I hope my mind becomes clear to think what I want to do in life.

Yesterday I dreamt something about eating burger and I can't remember my dream after that, I also hear music or songs in my head when I lie down in the afternoon yesterday, it's not really healthy feeling yesterday.

Today my mother will be going back to kampung and sleep there for 1 week.