Monday, May 25, 2026

Day 284 out of ward(332 on medications)

Today another day of a higher peace, I wonder if walking a lot caused it, there's only soft voices or nothing at all, it's called a "positive symptom" I wonder why too when it's actually "can hear painful sentences" of others. It looks like I only have 1 attacker of my life when I'm schizophrenic, I really can't remember the rest of it.

As I'm reaching 1 year on medication, I'm happy about it, especially reaching 38 years old the vision where doctors said I will be very happy and the age I will be cured from schizophrenia. It's really tough having a life with schizophrenia, everyday is like a hiking of mountain as the weight to take medicine exist, sometimes when too focused on the voices, like loss awareness of the surrounding things. It's really a difficult life to "wake up" from hearing the voices too much and realized I'm too much into the stories of the voices. I don't know why it lasts so long and I just hope the voices go away, like right now the feelings really soft or no voices.

My legs really painful and difficult to walk after walking too much yesterday, even if it's healthy for heart it's not nice physically.

Yesterday I emailed club heal telling about Alysha's voices and her bullies to Dina when she was a toddler, then about my parents like having something wrong about their care method as I story of Alysha was entrusted to care Dina by my mother but made Dina cry a lot instead, then scolding from Dina's mother making Dina cry a lot more when she was a toddler, then my father gave Alysha $10/day instead of giving me money. It's really crazy the pattern I said it made me feel like deadmeat and tortured until death because of their "no good" care. I hope somehow Alysha will be sued 1 day and disturb her happy university phase of life, it's really disturbing how after she saying "N level je" then entered university. I requested for a counsellor from club heal to talk to my parents and help me from them as they making me a poor life instead, and I can't search for the girl that I love if not given money. It's really harsh my life.

I hope 1 day everything will be peaceful.

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