I think I remembered already it's going to be Red Plates dishwashing as a job. I hope this is right info as I remembered about "Singo" Company also at that time I haven't used android I think then doctor talked about this, I'm really excited about my future that I will start saving money 1 day.
Schizophrenia is really crazy I feel, I don't know how to recover from it except now just taking medicine daily for stability. I can't believe I'm someone with a mental sickness that naturally people hate or fear, it's really unlucky my life. I don't understand the strictness like not allowing me to try get Sakinah or any girls out, I mean, it's not about using others' money but then people are growing old then I should have a baby already, my niece is 19 years old so big already, and oldest nephew is 15 years old. Then I'm here blogging when I remember when I was their age I was hacking and blogging.
I'm just someone people naturally hate or want to beat up due to mental sickness, I'm so unlucky my mental stability is like this, I don't know why it's like this too, my parents treat me like a normal person maybe because I understand everything normally and N.S PES E9L9 means I still need to go N.S anyway, even D.B if AWOL, means even government don't treat me like I have mental sickness, it's so sad they consider people like me to be working like others when the feelings are all real, like bad strength to work, then they knew my schizophrenia is violent schizophrenia where I hear violent sentences then still they don't pity me and give insurance.
I'm just a survival life daily, now I have like $175 in wallet and $208 in bank, I'm at 38 years old soon then my family let me write all these publicly like a self-shaming myself, it's so sad like why am I becoming someone that I suspected I will become in the past, someone really hard to work and find a job, then it really happened then I'm going to be 38 years old soon. Even when I'm recovering they don't countdown with doctor my recovery date like celebrate a little for me but I just live life normally like a pathetic man.
Sakinah, Wahdiah and Shahridah doesn't seem to want to control what I write because it's in public and never appeared in my life, they let me be like this in suffering even after I have said like suffering kind of writings. Dont know how people will fall in love with me like this. Like growing old to be nothing.
I now remember about w.w.f.g instead of suicide I feel like self-damaging and enter scary places alone with android and torchlight to share my experiences. I remember at that time I dared to sit outside the woodlands park alone then saw 1 boy cycled inside all alone, it's weird I feel like doing something like that and walk inside all alone. I have nobody to make the w.w.f.g videos with me, and I don't even feel like I will have car license now to drive a small lorry for my nephews, my brother don't talk about license then I don't know when i am taking it, its June next month then it's still the same, car license takes like 6 months to complete.
If doctor give me my hacking lifestyle back, I would definitely want to hack Amos Yee, but he's turned into a nice guy now like he said "I love Lee Kuan Yew" in 1 of the video, then we never know if he become a paedophile again and got to capture his crime sooner.
It's so tempting to learn to spy android but I don't know where, I only have the same idea in my mind hopefully it works the same, the common sense is just "i.p" to enter and watch what they are watching, android will definitely be fun have private gallery to obtain secrets hopefully without passwords, such in my imagination.
I'm thinking when I will be okay, it feels like after 11th May then I will be okay as I will get new medicine already, hopefully. I hope my friends visit me the next time I sit at green shelter all alone, but it's too far I'm not so special that someone takes a cab to see me, I'm not important to anyone I guess, not like actors or actresses death will have a lot of crowd, I think if I die only my family members will be around. Sad, but that's life, even Wahdiah, Shahridah and Sakinah won't visit my grave i think.
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