May have 31 days to go through, it's really a tough journey and I have to keep taking medicine maybe it guarantees me out of ward for the first time. I've finally grown up?
My vision adjusted like a life thing then I realize just now that it's been 16 years long ever since Dina was 3 years old then my schizophrenia was so bad at that time. Alysha didn't feel bad at all when I saw her at the elevator, it's weird she's so tall and I hope she fails her exam in University and get warded for schizophrenia, if she's not treated she's definitely going to be a violent person that kept forgetting after every attack, I hope she becomes a nicer person anyway as she used to smile daily when she was a baby, her schizophrenia not treated still I'm quite lucky it means she will experience pain because not treated, something like hot pain will happen I think, the anger and fear in heart are stronger when schizophrenia are not treated.
This month is my happy month because June is my 38 years old, it's going to be the happiest year of my life as I reaches the age of recovery.
Anyway I am disappointed with Wahdiah like disallowing profile view unless I add jobs or school, my LinkedIn profile definitely not nice to show off but she set her profile settings like that sadly.
I imagine a life with/without Wahdiah just now, if she would be nice to me and tell me what happened or not, such thing in my mind, she prefer that I in a state of memory loss instead, like Shahridah doesn't remind me too. Sakinah also didn't remind me that I have told her I love her, I really thought I haven't and was in a panic and rush "for not trying", it's a fear of losing her I guess.
Just 7 months to go before my life changes into a school type of lifestyle, I really hope I do it but at the same time I wonder if I will change at all, are changes any good, will I be laughed at for being so old? Will I tell my story of schizophrenia to my classmates? Haha.
It's really a finishing feeling this time as I reached the month that I loss memory alot and it's May, then somehow my room was adjusted back into "the old times" I think then I loss everything that's a new feeling, I wonder why they continued me to have a life without almari but I assume it's their thinking of that I will live well like this.
Anyway because of story of doctor that I won't be using the bag and it will still look like new, I hope it's not right like I heard stories of me working in Popeyes, I hope I become someone that goes out to places and really have a job, I really want a different life and not maintain like this difficult life for so long.
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