No time left

10th May, 21 days left to 31st May, the 19 days, totally of 40 days left until my 38th birthday. I'm sad like my father not like other father gives their children monthly money, then I don't get anything, I vision and imagine myself as someone impossible to get a girlfriend and I have to "redha" that my parents' treatment causes me not to get married with anyone, the chances of the person I love with someone else also increased and I lose so many "first times" with the person I love. They don't care about all these criterias at all.

It made me think of any girls that can make me happy to be having a child with her, it's really bad but life is like that, it's because if the point is "love is not about money", I still didn't get to enjoy myself to go out with the girl I want anyway, means the chances kept opening up for the person I love "to enjoy with someone else", I'm really bad luck in matter of "care", my parents don't care that I don't have a girlfriend, they feel "it is by Allah" when I am always at home, it's definitely the reason that I don't meet other people, it's so stupid, if they just let me enjoy with Wahdiah and Shahridah in the past, my happiness would be a lot more, then if I'm too happy or too angry when never take medicine, I would experience memory-loss, it's just hard my life really "cant enjoy with a girl" as Allah decided that I lose my memory, then I suddenly don't know what happened. It's really crazy they don't care for this so many years, I'm really sadly turning 38, then I'm at home now writing a blog, it's really stupid. My parents definitely creating a bit of hell to me like Alysha. Life is so bad I can't recover quickly, I always aim for nostalgic feelings to live up the energy of studying hard for my own self, it's really like a madness feeling, next year I don't know what's going to happen, then this year at May no one preparing me anything. I am just going to become a crazy guy enduring things from May until my birthday.