Think I'm Deadmeat

I have only a little to support my life, I can't think well everyday but I only see myself as a lot of endurance if to become like people wish that I become, I really try to be happy most of the time, just now I ate Pulot with Chilli, it was nice and quite addictive too, it's something like this that I enjoy to do, like cheap stuff $1.20 and then it's a Pulot, who gets a Pulot easily anyway but it's at Mart, so maybe actually everywhere have Pulot? I really don't know.

I'm imagining my life as finishing, just a lot of endurance and hope I cope without cigarette, tomorrow is definitely the last day of cigarette, I really don't know, the instability, the cold turkey to endure other than about money, it's definitely a way to save money by doing this.

It's night time now, it's weird I'm such an old guy, I feel like I won't be okay from my schizophrenia, my old posts had nobody that remind me I have schizophrenia "and it's only okay to write like that because of my sickness", people are not helping me at all, the viewers like only watchers of my life, to know if I success or fail in life, I don't feel like anyone really cares at all, I'm so unlucky in matters of happiness, so many happiness destroyed, the new ones ever exist only because of destroyer(Alysha), then she's nothing to be thanked about, it's weird my life, it's been destroyed since long time ago.

When will I take my car license I wonder, it's the only free time I have left for it, I really need to continue, I really want to make w.w.f.g happens, the website, will need laptop, computer, then android camera is fine, it's really harsh, people like don't care about me, I don't know what to do, life is like hiking a mountain daily, then it's like a battle daily against people that chooses for us our life to feel limited stuff daily, it's a real endurance and torture, I don't know what I will become after this, like why hatred is created like wanting to leave my family forever? Why is it becoming like that, definitely no one will miss me, I'm nothing to anyone, my heart doesn't feel too unhappy about it.

Eating candies that Anaqi my nephew bought made me feel like buy candies too, it's so nice, then I now remember my age 38 years old soon, then I'm still like this, does old people really buy candies outside? Like eat Koko Krunch by themselves for example? I'm definitely thinking a lot about my life, I imagine 2 years from now I really would have A levels already? Is it even real? Why I feel like people will laugh at me? I really don't know if I should continue such plan, will doctor tell my classmates that I have schizophrenia and just continuing my school again? Will I be fine?