Doctor maybe won't help me get him because he's like a boring person, maybe like someone that will ruin my image but he is A level student anyway, maybe a kind like a nerd 🤓, then I got so many games from his account then it's still locked anyway, I don't have anyone to play my handheld console to meet up, then I remember I have anhedonia anyway, I will probably feel boring meeting people and can't play games as fact, it's maybe just a temporary feeling in life.
I wonder what to do in life, I'm happy of having CDC voucher, then it's still $100+ in my wallet and about $280+ in my bank, I really survive with much money until 17th June today, it's such a difficult life having no friends. I remember like doctor said I will bet in Mario Kart if I play at Club Heal then everyone that didn't get 1st place have to give $1-$2 to first place, I think doctor said that I will win all and then maybe Club Heal is not like that anyway, maybe we can't have a game corner and I am just imagining things because I never gone to Club Heal before. I wonder what to do in life if RG477V can make betting happens it would be so nice life if I really win everything and have money my entire 6 months left to 2027. Haha.
It feels real like I will still be a dull feeling until August, then doctor said I will buy Pokemon keychain with my name customized, and it's Mew, for $10, will I really do such thing? Then why it is in August that I will buy such thing? Does this means since July onwards I still won't be working? If I'm going to live on until end of June not taking my car license, will I take it during my O level then? Why is it like that? I really need a planner of my life for me, and things to do because of anhedonia I really can't enjoy anything at all. Why Alan Wong won't contact me back anyway? I can't add up the steam friends because account is locked I think, I think his userid is Godfather, I really forgot.
I hope I have someone to play games or do things with me, who would doctor bring back into my life? Who would go Ghost Hunting with me?
If Wahdiah and Aby in my life they probably sleep after working day anyway, then even on weekends they aren't in my life, I really don't know what they're doing, I really can't get help from them to lighten up my life weight, why they are as "in relationship with me" but why Wahdiah like ruling like a counsellor instead? Why can't she be nicer to me anyway? It's really bad my life journey having nothing I can do to feel good, I hope someone just appear in my life with R36S and ask me to play games together. I thought Epul going to get me undercover job this year but I really don't know, he said it's permitted by my doctor to work I think, it's really a cool undercover job, I think he said maybe I will get a police admin job, I really don't know hahahaha, I don't know why I remember him most of the time in my life, it's maybe because he said he want to give me a computer on my birthday. Its weird my ns friends giving me pity money as their expression last time but saying it's because of the black magic they had done to me, I feel bad like I have no friends, "everyone black magic me"? I thought to myself like why people believe in black magic, I still consider it as pity money if they really appear in my life 19th June to give me money.
I hope some of them tell counsellor what black magic they talk about, but then counsellor won't talk to me, then it's not use if counsellor end up having a stack of stories then I am still a smoker then it means counsellor won't help me. Hahahaha, I'm dead meat without a guidance, I wish I don't see things when I don't smoke, it's just a weird vision like causing me unstable in my life, I lie down for so long worried of my mind/brain feeling bad then nobody can do anything about it.
I remember it's either Epul or Naim going to get me friends that will play their R36S with me when I'm bored at home doing my job, I really feel boring like whatever is permission of doctor I will do anyway, but the thing is will they really appear back into my life again? I really don't know.
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