I've set-up my RG477V yesterday and I enjoy it a lot, I'm left to calculate the GB needed to download PSP games(900+GB), Dreamcast, Wii, WiiU, PSX, PS2. I estimate 6TB but I don't know maybe 8TB card is needed(4 cards of 2TB). My dream life finally coming true, I'm going to play RG477V like my entire lifetime then I'm going to care this console like a treasure.
I plan to make a NetPlay/RetroArch SG Community to have points or location to play it together, to complete the games doing a ticklist of completed games, it will definitely be fun and I hope it becomes something famous/popular 1 day, maybe a website or forum of it but I really dont know who would support me, I plan to ask doctor for help to make this community page. Nobody done this yet, then I hope I'm not too late to be the first person 1 day, then it can be a famous starting point to make business too. Then another is w.w.f.g will be a place to promote my biz of Portable Ashtray too, then it means I will have 2 places of business, it will definitely be fun and I hope I really make it like men who usually plan stuff in life then vision it from their mind and really do it, like "Crow Yuzree" and my 2nd sister's ex-husband. It's also like my 2nd sister I think at first was a Police then work at Yellow Ribbon Industries, they all really make it like their vision, I however hope that my 2nd sister will become a banker 1 day like her ambition is that, because I am worried if I don't reach my ambition and then it remains just an ambition.
Today I woke up at about 7a.m, I took medicines then quickly get my redbull in refrigerator then go down for a smoke, it's really harsh my life I just want to feel happy and good all the time, the chase for pleasure happens because I have schizophrenia then the medicine causes anhedonia, then it's really sad that such thing happens. I remember 2 days ago tgh zikir "Allah", then suddenly I loss my memory and becomes "Awla", it's really weird I really have a mental problem? I thought to myself like that, how can I forget tgh zikir "Allah"? I imagine myself if someone else heard, maybe they think I'm joking or just a mental problem playing with names of Allah, it's really weird my life. I remember in teachings that Allah is the one that "makes us remember and makes us forget", then I think of my schizophrenia memory loss suddenly full of pleasure in my heart, it feels like maybe "it's really Allah's doing to me"?
Then I search on Google and this appeared instead -
Allah Mengingatkan Hamba-Nya: Allah senantiasa mengingatkan manusia melalui berbagai cara, seperti cobaan, nikmat, atau turunnya ayat-ayat Al-Qur'an agar manusia kembali ke jalan-Nya.
Manusia yang Lupa (Al-Ghaflah): Sifat alami manusia adalah pelupa. Seringkali manusia lupa bersyukur di kala senang atau sombong ketika berkuasa.
Bahaya Melupakan Allah: Manusia yang sengaja melupakan Allah akan dilupakan juga oleh-Nya dalam arti dijauhkan dari rahmat dan pertolongan-Nya, baik di dunia maupun di akhirat.
Cara Agar Selalu Diingat Allah: Allah berjanji jika hamba-Nya selalu mengingat Allah (berzikir), maka Allah juga akan selalu ingat kepadanya. Hal ini dijelaskan dalam Q.S. Al-Baqarah ayat 152.
The last part makes me think like "so what if Allah remembers me"? Means if I forgot "Allah", when it becomes "Awla", Allah still remembers me that I was remembering him? Why did he make me forget then?
I don't understand how the system of prayers will work, people pray then everything are from their own effort or lineage's wealth or gifts, then how is everything from Allah, why do I pray from Allah for money when Allah don't show himself and don't have his name in the government's country people's list to work and earn money? I really ever prayed from Allah for money then ever zikir for money, then nothing really happens in my life, why do people want a schizophrenic to believe that zikir and prayers actually gives money, example solat Dhuha? I still haven't received any money from solat Dhuha in the past and it's really weird my rezeki is bad?
I want to study 1 day for O level earlier than I should(enrol for O level school), then I need money, then I remembered about Club Heal helping me to get money 1 day to study by myself earlier, it means before December this year I will be getting money from my parents from Club Heal's help/counsellor? I really don't know, but I hope I receive help to start studying earlier than I should.
I feel like schizophrenia(the mental sickness, problem or illness) really gives a bad image to the person like "fooling around too much", "attitude problem"(like playing Allah into Awla), if someone heard "tu sebab la dia sakit mental, main2 nama Allah", it's really harsh then difitnah just like that? Why Allah do this to schizophrenics? Why when I remember all 99 names of Allah, Allah didn't grant me heaven? Why should I believe the words that remembering all 99 names is "will be granted to be in heaven", it means I'm Ahli Syurga already? Then why it doesn't mean that I am "A Wali Allah"? I really want to be knowing things like a Wali Allah does, but I wonder if it's actually from doctor's knowledge instead, telling them true information as doctor is a psychic. I wonder what Wali Allah or doctor would say about me experiencing this in my life? Schizophrenia gives an impression of "fooling around and attitude problem" and it's bad care anticipated from anger of listening to it, I really will have a tough time in life since Club Heal don't help me yet with a counsellor, or not at all too.. it's really sad I have to survive on my own without anyone's help.
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