I woke up about 6.40a.m today then I took medications then I go down to get redbull and have a roll of cigarette that's 2 papers length, I really feel relaxed by having cigarette then I don't know how long this will continue.
I remember in ward I will thought there's Satanic humans then I would still hear voices I thought of a girl became Pontianak because got raped by 1 of them, then I thought I saw Pontianak inside ward, it's weird there's so many people in ward causing it to not be scary if have ghosts.
The vision I get when I don't smoke is seeing things not like Pontianak but just weird images appearing in my eyes, then my mind would become abnormal like I ever believe I am in coma and actually it's a dream(all these) that I would wake up as a child beside Sakinah not wasted many years of my life without her, then now I realize if this is not a dream, I'm 38 years old tomorrow and Sakinah still not my part of my life, she's 37 and she don't mind that I don't exist in her life, it's bad the situation doesn't impact like white magic exist, does it mean white magic don't exist to help a human to feel a love that's real? I'm the most real love feelings for her then she don't mind that I don't exist or appear at all, I wonder why its like that? Why she let me grow older without her?
I wonder whose my next girlfriend going to be, will I be happy or not? Will I be satisfied? Will I have anhedonia or not during my relationship with her? Wonder why Wahdiah and Shahridah didn't chase me back into their life and just live on without me, it's really weird I'm getting older not younger, turning 40 is a bad age for marriage or memories will really come back that late age? Why is it like that?
I just write awhile before bathing today, I think I'm going to shower soon then write again, I usually wait for 1 hour after my last post before writing again, I really don't know I feel like writing more stuff.
No comments:
Post a Comment