Day 309 out of ward(357 on medications)

Happy birthday to me today! I am finally 38 years old. I have plans like buying a laptop/tablet to make a website of w.w.f.g then just go exploring alone at night, it makes the feelings more realistic kind of scare, it's like the DJ of MJ12 all alone still read scary stories for the listeners.

I still think like it's too early to get myself a laptop, because maybe I would be gifted laptop/computer for my birthday, I really don't know, it's already 19th June today.

I'm happy how it's just 1 week+ left to become 1 year on medication. I see my recovery growth like I can remember faces now, like my memory can appear image into my vision, maybe if I'm an artist I can prove it but I can't prove it as my drawing is not really good, I remember I used to score high for art but it's an easy subject anyway, it's just I can't be an artist for drawing faces.

It's really a boring feeling waiting for something new, but I'm glad I'm 38 now, I have reached my recovery age, just the recovery day is unknown, I also have reached the happiest age of my life, just that I don't know what will make me happy.

It feels like until August I will be "focusing on medicine" and not work, I really don't know if I will stabilize and can really be studying for O level, I really feel unstable and I don't know why, it's just usual feelings if someone sick of something(in this case I have schizophrenia) will definitely be feeling something bad in body or health and stability.

I'm going to bath later just in the mood to look at laptop such thing first.