Nothing happened

My birthday it's still the same, no friends appear to give me anything - my 38 years old is not special after all. I feel like robotic or like a dream, "am I really 38 years old"? It's like a coma in a nightmare that's surprising that people done nothing for me until I hit this age, it's just the same. Everyday took medications and expectations of something like a gift but there's nothing, I am growing old to become O level person at 39 years old, then A level at 40 years old? Life is really like nothing, maybe everyone had left me feeling nothing anyway.

I don't know how to get friends in life, people just live their life without me gaining anything and they don't worry I have schizophrenia and gaining nothing in life, it's too bad my 38 years old then I'm still "focusing on medication", it means there's really nothing until it's August - I don't know why my life going to feel dull all the way in July, then August too, it's really a boring life journey, maybe shortage of cigarette causing me to feel uncomfortable in life, I don't know.

The thing is if no one appear, everyone have ended their life about me then I only have my family to think about, I wonder why they are like this, I'm not looking like getting married too, it's really crazy how people treat me like this, it's really a long wait in life to be improving so little every year then finally missing IMH moments, 10 more days and I hope a new feeling will happen. I hope I don't hear voices anymore such thing.

38 years old like this how can it be my happiest age? It's weird. Maybe everyone had gone into their own path in life and forgotten me already. It's still a new way of peace.