Seriously pain

It's weird to be hearing voices of getting computer from Epul or even ROG Ally X from Naim, it's really bad my hearing voices, I don't like to take promises of people that makes me happy at that moment, it's like half-hearted energy thing. I wonder why it's like this why people promise me something for me to anticipate like a nothing kind of outcome? It's really something forgotten when I'm schizophrenic, maybe I'm supposed to lose memory too, the kind of anger is a kind that I should lose memory then the gum pain adds on to this bad feelings, it's really bad kind of feelings, they made me hopeful like a change on my birthday, but doctor reminded me that I will receive money in August I think then it made me feel like I actually don't receive anything at all because "focus on medications", it's really bad. I hate this feeling. I guess it's September - December still no work and nothing in life.