Worried about my mind

Today I am going to be the last injection that will create me 1 year on medication, it's the final happiness for me that I'm turning 38 years old in 11 days, the age of my recovery, that can be until 18th June 2027, it's really hard my life I can only think if I will be fine to take the O level exam, my life is suffering a lot feeling hot most of the time due to anger built up from the voices of Alysha, then cold cigarette definitely will help me, it feels harsh but then I have to live on and stabilizing myself a different odd way of self-treatment - not drugs. Exercises makes me feel healthy sometimes, I still do it daily, but my stomach still grow and I looked fat.

Saw my neighbour at the lift they look as living their life while I'm struggling to live my life, I'm having a hard time to live normally.

Club Heal didn't contact me so I'm kinda disappointed that the support doesn't mean about everything, but luckily it's not like a psycho to them not to help me as it will become money for cigarette, I really don't know, I try my best to feel as tip top as I can daily, it's just harsh my life journey and to understand this ruling criteria for help, I definitely want to match it somehow 1 day, because I need the counselling as I worry of the treatment to me are bad, like Dina survived her young days because of me, if not she would be crying everyday if she hangout with Alysha.

I remember my life as a quiet lifestyle again, wanting to study hard for O level it happens again when I'm on the colder feelings, due to the hotness I started to lose the studious feelings then I became like a lazy person instead, when actually I don't feel healthy in my head.

I wonder what attracts people into my blog, it's 19 viewers in the morning even if it's so short, who are the viewers too, why no one contact me? When am I going to have friends again that will look after me due to my schizophrenia? It's really harsh my life experience, it's June now then I still don't take my car license yet, when is it going to be if 39 years old is the said moment I will have small lorry to drive? Will w.w.f.g really happens? I see on TikTok that night exploration still happens to attract interest from people. Its really my area of interest but where will it be fine to explore at night? Will I really be doing such things in my life?

What about SkillsFuture I plan to take computer repair course to repair computers as a job, but I really don't know if I should really do it, is 6 months enough time for a work before my O level I will work hard? Is it really necessary or I can just study hard instead? Will I really take A level 1 day and go on a Master Degree in something? I really want a nice life, I really want to be a normal person too with normal health, but schizophrenia made me someone like "boleh ke?" kerje etc., then people don't pity me at all and let me struggle instead of just helping my lifestyle to be better or growing into something nicer, to them it's okay whatever I'm going through, it's really tough for me to demand something nice is really asking for $100K, it's really hard my life.