I remember about future healthy babies are from eating Chicken Chop with Tomato Rice, I ever thought of making a memory for my future to franchise the shop: "yes! Tomato!" as memories of my life first time having babies, and they're the cause of my healthy babies in future. It's definitely nice to create a memory or nostalgia thing, I wonder if I can afford such thing to create memories for my future babies?
I really waiting for the soldier job to appear, almost daily I Google for CNA soldier for news about it, there's still no information about it, I wonder when is it, why must it be December next year if true? Means I really will work at Popeyes first right I think?
I'm so lonely I have nobody to message or babies to play with, unlike (S) have niece to play with every weekend, I really have nobody in my life it's so boring. My left arm is really recovering and I'm thinking what use for bicycle that I have bought, I know it's worth it to feel life, I'm just too bored in life, I feel like sitting around at Fushan Garden but I'm already older age(37 yrs old) to make friends, my woodlands friends maybe been having savings up to more than $50K already while I'm still like this, a useless person? They've been working since after my N.S definitely, then maybe even married or have bought own house, wow people really have forgotten me forever I think, I would be a burden to them as I have schizophrenia and no money, it's like thinking about money so it's like bad if contact them too, to sit at coffeeshop and talk all day until night, they maybe have wife already to entertain at home, and really no time for me at all.
This is the age I am supposed to be true adult, like caring my nephews and niece by buying them stuff at shop, but I'm just a useless uncle, still psychic ranking is that I am "Best Uncle in the World" I have to believe, like I don't like my niece and nephews to cry while their mothers looks more like "don't mind they crying in pain", I always imagine pain if someone cry, means I hate if they're in pain. It's too bad if my niece talks of Solat etc., I think I have been the one protecting her the most when she was baby, even her mother would scold her but she grow up to join them making me boiled up in my heart, so my luck as a nice uncle is also bad even if I schizophrenia, they choose to carry on about the Solat, even nurses serve and give patient food in I.M.H, but my 1st sister just like to create me angry, even create imagination-suspicion like not taking medications to send into "I.M.H" kind of imaginations, doctors didn't even help too, I really have no one even if I have schizophrenia.
I know writing is good so someone can know my life and tell my family stuff, at least it reaches them than they don't know and treat me bad, I know they don't consider me as schizophrenic kind of treatment by not supporting and giving me money, they don't care I feel the anger and can't move maybe due to catatonia at all, they don't ask me what will decrease such pain too, they only know to take medications or kept saying about praying, they don't care I mentioned that doctors said that they will also schizophrenia and will understand my pain. It's useless like I have nobody in life at all.
I'm really planning to buy Nintendo Switch that my aunt had created imaginations to buy me it, I wonder why they created me such imaginations, I will wonder if it's true or not too, I don't know how it can be fast too, I just have to wait and wonder or just discovering that I will spend for my own self again.
I like what my neighbour(or it was a dream) ever told me they would upgrade games into my p.s.p slim and give it back to me, because they cleared my entire room to fill the slim mattress bed and book shelf as cupboard for my clothes. Even my room is considered as empty, I really feel energized many times to quit smoking and just buy assets and food into my room and life. I hope those that treat me like son really support me with money, I really loss of 17 years and anhedonia of nice food too, nice food can taste like nothing when I eat, not even 75% of flavour like doctors said, it's just too bad my luck is like this. They don't pity me by giving me money is the point in my life. I really need a job, but I have to wait for January to finish, it's really 30 days of January and 10 days of December, it's really around 40 days to go, wow it's so long and they still have the heart to not give me money. They still didn't reward my high scores during my N level time too I really scored 100/100 continuously until I was warded, I really think it's the fault of the small girl I became schizophrenic and normal scorer at N level, I really did not get my plan to appear as a successful man. Allah didnt give me a chance for people to know that I'm smart, they still talk like I'm stupid to boil my heart, I really have no one to tell them for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment