Finally Mandarin HSK 1 Part 29

I've continued Mandarin HSK 1 Part 29: I've learnt - car = che, fei ji = aeroplane, gao xing = happy, zuo = sit/take, ting = hear, shuo = say, know = ren shi, year = nian, da xue = university

It's really alot I am an effort to learn while still energetic(just) from wanting to work at Popeyes from Jobclub.

It's like daily meaningless writings but I know my motive and goal of having a blog is to get (S). I remembered the Cards Creation of Facebook that Small Girl Planned to Create For Me To Give (S) as her "Sorry", but wonder when she will ask me for forgiveness, because its Too Much.

I saw Popeyes yesterday it is like empty, means nobody really eats at there and like a good job to get a lot of rest while working. I'm definitely happy if I'm fit to work soon.

Tomorrow maybe going Batam, I hope I don't experience Stomach Ache but my mother said that only if my father ask along then go. I'm bored maybe I should just go.

Anyway, wo hen gao xing ren shi Sakinah = i very happy know Sakinah. hahahaha. She is so beautiful that in the past I ever imagined her face talking/speaking to me while I lie down, its like a Vision of Seeing her Face wherever I Walk, It's like an Illusion or Orange and White Light and if Black have Light Too it's like that her eyes and hair. I really think of her alot for so many years while she's happily stable working never in a feeling like I am as the Reality. I think It's Schizophrenia, I still can see her Face while not looking at her Picture(facebook). I don't know why my imagination is this strong.

I think I won't recover from missing her. I really just hope she do think about what I feel, like she have no feelings for me suddenly I believe she's my soulmate then want her like that, then why Allah makes me have feelings for her for so long? Why she didn't give me a chance and just continued her life is it because I have Schizophrenia that she will get too 1 day? I feel stupid that I feel like I writing alot of repeats of the same matter, then (S) still haven't contacted me yet I remember she said she will read my Blog Organized in a File, in M.R.T.

I want to know whenever she think of me, :( Doctors didn't really help me to get to talk to her with reasons that don't make sense like "if have baby, baby will be sick", because we never talked to each other before but knowing Soulmate she knew I definitely won't rape her? She never effort to contact me at all ever since "Iman", and only Instagram reminds me of she taking photo beside a Cat on purpose because "Iman" looks like Monkey but she don't looked like a Cat at All.

My Daily Life is like a useless day spent on phone, Facebook videos, it's maybe because of Catatonia, but then it's maybe actually because I haven't gone out for so long?

Today I only take 1 Pill of "Mood Support" to save until 3 months I think, hopefully 1 is enough daily. Now I don't feel stronger like I wake up and just writing around for Sakinah to notice me at 37 years old, then she let this happen too? Why would her workplace read me anyway? I truly think it's only 2 reader point everytime, that 1 or 2 spreads to others from there.

Today after exercising, I can feel the spike still alive in my body, it's like a head earthquake if I don't quickly cool myself by smoking cold - I bought M.B Purple(cold) $13, I wonder how I would save up for my future living life, nobody cares I'm a Smoker type of person and they really won't give me money if I buy cigarette, they are not understanding at All.

I'm going to search location of O.C.B.C later at StreetDirectory.com but I won't go there because Waste of Money and Time(I don't know when Sakinah will break time or finish work), meeting her really removes pain from my body she's like a miracle creator of my life's strength, I would suddenly become so strong and healthy. Sad small girl taken away my (W) and (A) or else I still have someone that will somehow heal me from some of the pain I feel.

I'm happy how it's only 18 more days left until half year of medications done, sometimes when I write happy things, the pain suddenly gone from my body, is it Catatonia? It got removed like magic. It's this paragraph. It reminds me of "Suntricity". Watching a Game Car Moves so Fast Also Removes Pain From My Body, and Cool Art Too. Why is it Physical Pain?

I Became Lazy To Secret Sakinah's name because It Feels Less Painful Writing This Way, like if she's thankful I hide her name, then I can be happy of writing her name too like she don't care about meeting me at all, the only story left is meeting at Popeyes or Jollibee, it's in the M.R.T this story exist, she will bring her niece, the story is like that. It's so painful to wait for a story instead of just meeting me straight away, isn't it better if she just try to meet me up secretly without doctors' permission or why doctor didn't push for her to meet me secretly? Why is it like this?