Imagining a nice future when I reach 1 year on medications really calms me down, it's a surprising happiness that I imagine myself as someone special to those that treat me like a Son, maybe I truly impacted something that I don't remember due to schizophrenia will lose memories, I wonder how much have I forgotten about those that care for me, will doctor help me remember about them or not I wonder because it's past 6 months and still no contact or normal talk from doctors.
I see that today is 31 Dec, tomorrow is 2026 and a fresh new year that I have been successful for 6 months about medications and happy about it, I really hope it's true that I will become psychic after 1 month of risperidone next year, when it's supposedly to be 1 year of risperidone, I really hope it's true that I will become doctor after 1 year of risperidone too like doctor ever said this, that it's impossible to happen unless I'm a doctor something like that. Why do I imagine like this because being a psychic means knowing everything then really become a doctor, why doctors make me feel like this or is it a dream too as it's far too nice that suddenly I will be high salary and be a doctor. Psychic = 100% doctor should be what it meant.
I feel heavy right now and finally past 12p.m the boredom are really starting in my life, I really need a nice plan in life, I really don't know and have nothing to do in life, jobs is the only path that everyone won't be sick of me maybe because I'm not working. People maybe sick of me that I'm not working and a smoker, it's sad it have to be this way, really my body strength like limited to be only becoming like this in my life.
The forum didn't work to get people in, I wonder when such communication will happen then, why they're not in the mood for a communication point? I think it require discussions first anyway, I think my plan is really fun though, everyone is old then I feel like I have no friends or family members as everyone is already a worker in life, I'm the most unstable in my family I guess because of schizophrenia. I think I'm a burden to people.
Even 6 months, no friends contacted me yet, making me think the only readers are harvester of my writings to save for my family to read 1 day, I don't know what people are doing but a blog is meant to be like this, to let out feelings so we're not in secret pain.
I still can't think what I will be doing with bicycle 1 day, it looks like not because of working jobclub, then doctor really didn't tell me what I would be doing with bicycle every night, I really can't think of something except after getting Anbernic RG477V, maybe I keep going to Fushan Garden to see if anyone play the same thing to play together, haha. Maybe I would just be sitting in public to play it? Really they don't talk like I will have life and really just like this my life repetitively.
Doctors probably as psychic knew what I would write then they didn't tell me why I feel bad in life other than the common sense about money, am I supposed to be peaceful once taken medications?
It's really a lot of writings over 300 posts I wonder how (S) saves my writing, is she really doing something like this? In M.R.T the story is really told as this about (S).
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