My Simba Data usage is only 175mb/400gb, and I'm half month done about it before it expires.
The happiness of today is there's Biryani Ayam Masak Merah at Woodlands Bazaar today it costs only $7 then I feel like buying and quitting cig. at the same time, for working at Popeyes I really feel like not becoming a smoker at all, only less than 7 sticks left for today is my real final hopefully as I imagine jobclub on 5th January. It's really hard as I crave for nice food then cig. is a nice calmness given to body but it sometimes create difficulty to sleep sometimes it create easiness to sleep, cig. is weird. I will read about nicotine 1 day of why it's dangerous then people been smoking pipes until old age and still live normally, it's like a no problem thing, to think of cancer it's like impossible too unless smoke a lot daily.
Today I plan to rest at sofa all day again, and lessen the walking around in house because to practice for the peace of being a normal person is like that, then it's weird if I'm in need of walking around or shaking my legs when sitting, but I read psychology says if shake legs means an intelligent person, I really hope I'm fine.
I remembered that during my N level for 6 months I didn't smoke at all, so I really think I can skip smoking again, to be non-smoker when working at Popeyes hopefully, but stories like I will get free cig. exist then I wonder the truthfulness of information like in future I will be noting my counts of cigs. when working at Popeyes. I wonder what's taking so long for Popeyes to hire me through I.M.H, I'm really in need of normal feelings then Popeyes is not ready yet to hire people.
My counts of viewers have decreased to just 11 like that, I wonder where they're all from, why or how 30+ people would be thinking of me in a day, the numbers of viewers in the past, I imagine how to increase my viewers and share my blog writings to my family, means allowing them to write on my blog too, I want to create a chemistry or bond in family that we're all together not keeping pain in our heart by bottling up our feelings. I remember like my aunt and uncle ever said of wanting to write at my blog too, means I have to invite their email to become a writer too, it will be cool because my unique domain plan is bottles-uncapped.com, it will be nice expression of writing reason, I think of inviting whoever that considers me as my family too but I wonder when doctor will help me about it, I wonder if psychologist have any feelings too because they kept knowing, then I wonder if they actually at peace but at the same time can be in pain for keeping so many things in their heart, so I plan to invite them also because considered me as their real son, I hope it's not awkward 1 day as writing feelings. My blog can be written in Malay and English language, it will definitely be fun. I plan to invite (S), (W) and (A) too, like in the past I was sharing my blog with (A) then we broke up because of small girl, it was cool experience of having 2 authors, and the more will be merrier due to the definition of domain especially, "to not bottle up our feelings", it's definitely coolest if my parents write down their feelings also.
Right now I'm feeling like a pain in my left eye, I don't know what is it like something inside it, I think it's like at that time my right eye was in pain. It's quite disturbing too.
Nowadays I write my blog very early in the morning so I can know if someone if having attention to me but I really don't know who, by knowing the number of viewers I have then I feel comforted having readers as fact. The least is 5 reader then increased to 6 yesterday. It does means like I only have 1 person clicking? I imagine if my entire family personally have own laptop to read it will be nice, I really want to create a strong chemistry within my family by the forum plan but I guess have to wait for doctor to announce it to my family, it's really a long time to go I guess, it would definitely be nice. I'm the only person in my family and relative that feels like 20+ years old due to memory loss, when on the day I asked Dina my niece to buy breads, she's already so tall and big while I was imagining her at 3 years old still, it's really funny while I'm imagining myself not 38 or 37 years old, I really understood that I have missed my life for such a long time and I missed a lot of things in life. Jobclub hopefully will recover me from whatever loss I have experienced, it takes time then I'm like in a rush to feel pleasure of life, needing money that I guess I will message my mother for the 6 months of medications "if will receive money", it's just too hard I have to keep thinking about it, I really want unwanted difficulties to be removed and it's really only about money and nothing else, my confidence of quitting cig. comes and goes then I truly have no one to talk to.
I wonder why it's a long time till I get a computer from my friend Epul "who wanted to pay for it for black magic reasons", I really wonder what it felt like he pity me of losing my life experience and buying me a gift instead, then I wonder of the truthfulness of it, it's just really nice to imagine receiving gift then I hope for it in my heart and my mind really dislike if unable to confirm if he's talking the truth, when he talk about R.T.S Link in the past, it feels real that he will be giving me a computer, because he planned to go Johor with me and spend our time together because I'm recovering from schizophrenia and starting to remember back alot of things, it's due to memory loss that my family feel it's not worth it if give me any money maybe? I really want my life to become easier too. Should I invite those giving me money into my family forum too? It would definitely be nice if my family knows they're supporting me, and if I remember correctly my Nenek have a plan of business Ayam Masak Merah 1 day, I think, it would definitely be nice that others know and tell around too 1 day, I really hope it happens, I'm really addicted to Nenek Gemok's ayam masak merah, every Hari Raya usually I would eat it, then nowadays I don't walk around during Hari Raya, I totally became a changed person and stayed home during Hari Raya.
The plan of having a white cat is by Bik Isah because I dreamt of it during my "out of body experience" that failed when after my hands "comes out" it's supposed to be my heart(body) and head, then I suddenly woke up from dreaming of white cat, then I really liked her idea of having a white cat as a pet to remember this day that it's special that I didn't die. I didn't think of "out of body" as death until a paramedic told me it felt like "death" as the meaning of my experience.
I really write long hopeful to gain readers and writers as they consider me as their family, then hopefully if I get to work at Popeyes I will register domain again and make this website as "bottles-uncapped.com", then hope the energy of togetherness still exist in my family that they will write at blog too, and it becomes a family blog that we all have a space to express our feelings and difficulty of life especially. I wonder when such chemistry will happen, do they have the same energy as me or it's "tepuk sebelah tangan" thing like I syiok sendiri? Blog is really nice to reach out to people.
I also wonder why nobody news to me about (S), it's so long and (S) maybe assume because they as my relative and doctors, will tell me, but then it really felt so many years ago. I hope (S) is thinking of something or a way to contact me normally. It's too long it's not nice if I lose her in my life.
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