Luckily it's a good buy I hope my sister don't deteriorate my health like saying it's a waste of money. Having $480 left in bank is worth it with $60 in my wallet, when they add the Jobclub money, I truly still have money with me. Waiting for May is painful but the job placement is next week, I really hope it's over soon. I really heed Sakinah to rely on I.M.H to give me jobs, but then I wonder if it's really her or it's Alisha instead, then I don't like giving a friendly feeling to Alisha anymore, unless she pay me back the money that I went to Johor using the money that I just received, it's really harsh then it happened to me, I really wasted my money like that.
Lately my brain like not clear vision, my mind like white dust foggy I can't think clearly, it's maybe the impact of medicine that I'm supposedly to loss memory already but then I'm still remembering it, it's already March then the recovery still not happening yet, I know once it's another 29th June then it's a different feeling in my body and mind. The recovery effect like really happening, like I feel if suicidal it means I haven't recovered mentally, means I still have schizophrenia. I was planning to buy dormicum yesterday to collect until 100 pills of it to commit suicide by overdose, then I really have no contact with anyone to buy it. I became more daring to commit suicide this way with the medicine, doesn't this mean I havent recovered yet? Why medicine pushes a feeling of suicide to be more brave on doing it?
I definitely have RG477V now I'm definitely not committing suicide as it's a fun console. I think again, maybe all schizophrenic ever think of committing suicide that's why their mind became unstable, the eyes like wander around like a crazy man imagination but the treatment to schizophrenic is the same like "not receiving money", "sentence to prison if crime", I remember I was made to go out to City Hall to search for Sakinah by voices, then I went to Bugis and stole drinks then got caught and entered Cantonment for 1 day only eating Nasi Ayam then brought to I.M.H, treated like a criminal when I actually have no money on me finishing my last EZ-link to go City Hall instead. I don't know why doctors was not around to help me being psychics then I had to survive my life feeling like a prison then stay at I.M.H, it's still like a crime done kind of treatment which is unfair because I actually didn't take my medicine and can't think clearly, if I can think clearly I wouldn't have gone out with $0 and last transport money used up to go Bugis, then can't go home anyway, no phone calls to my family too because I can't go back, I definitely got myself caught on purpose to go home, then brought to I.M.H instead, hahaha, but luckily I was not put into prison, the Cantonment have Aircon and it's not like a prisoner treatment at all. It's weird my luck in life having to experience that, and my soulmate didn't care what happened to my life.
Tomorrow is working day again, then it's going to be a fast 3 hours then I'm done, I'm truly happy my life is becoming easier with the little earnings that will support me in future. I hope a communication with someone else will happen if not I will spend my time with my console all the time.
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